my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
