TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
