mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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