Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
