I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
