It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
