He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
