They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
