Welp...herpes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
