I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
