I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this boner is exhausting
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
