After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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