Cold hands, warm shart.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
