just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
