if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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