i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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