Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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