I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
