You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
