my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
