I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
