Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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