He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
