So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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