I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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