my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
