Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You left your phone here
Wait...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
