i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude. I can hear the air.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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