Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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