I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
