ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
