I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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