Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
