she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
