her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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