its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
