when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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