Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Say something about gay babies.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
