my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
