new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sober January is a disaster.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
