So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
