six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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