i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
