We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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