Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
