and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We need to rekindle our bromance
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
