She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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