You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize