8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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