We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you had me at cake vodka
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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