umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
