My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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