Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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