is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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