You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
