im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize