Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
