yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
