I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
