I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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