Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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