I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
