Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
