tonight lets celebrate not being married
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am available for nakedness
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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