Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
