How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
