we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
