Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize