"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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