She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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