sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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