My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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