How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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