i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
