good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize