Christians are straight up FREAKS
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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