GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
