Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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