I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
