Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Randomize
