if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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