I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
