I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
