i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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