someone get that fucking seahorse.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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