I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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