Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pants are for mortals
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize