Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
