Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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