apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
