she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Im part way to drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
