everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
