He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
whose parrot is this?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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