plz talk dirty to me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
