This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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