brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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