he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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