$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
