Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
