i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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