You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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