I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
