I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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