I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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