i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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