On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How does one acquire holy water?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
