if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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