9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
