Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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