yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
