i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
