I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
