Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
