Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
