you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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