im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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