the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
