What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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